1239914_669863846381268_75841697_nTurning 50 this year also brought the prospects of Menopause or perimenopause starting. I know it’s just life’s cycle taking place and all. They say its liberating and everything should be great, but today. I feel like a life’s failure. Nothing is working and I really just want to go back to bed.

There are days that I can go like gang busters and take on the world, other days where even if Pj says “boo” to me I burst into tears. Late at night, the nightly hot flash sets in almost like clockwork. Things that are normally easy or I get done with out thinking about I have to stop and think or it feels like a bloody chore. I know getting old is not easy but geez kids, a little help here.

With my adopted Mum gone and no clue about my birth Mum I am kind of in this one alone. Having no clue what I am supposed to do or how this will affect me at all. Don’t get me wrong,I love my life and all. Living the dream of being a sports writer on a major web site and all. I’m active at St.Peters , love traveling around Australia and all.

Today is another story. I feel so useless and not really needed. I play with my Grand-kids every Monday on Skype and I look forward to that more than anything. I can’t wait to go home to visit and see them in person and get some real cuddles. I’m working on crocheted and knitted blankets for them and I have been working so much my hands hurt.

We are having the spring silly season in the weather department and mixed in with a quick trip to Canberra and all, I wonder if it all has caught up with me. I usually sleep pretty well but today I don’t feel like I got any sleep last night.

I don’t like feeling this way, I know I am not depressed or anything. There is plenty to do  and my to do list is long and I just don’t feel like dealing with it. I am trying to be accepting of certain issues and it’s really hard now. I am just trying to find that normal, a bit of routine and it’s just not happening. I am a creature of habit, but it helps me to manage stuff, keeps the anxiety at bay and all. I have been going so flat-out for so long, I think it’s all caught up with me, well at least today it has

OK, today menopause you win, but look out tomorrow…..

I am taking my life back