Doing NaBloPoMo month has made me go back and look at some of the original piece that I have published. The following piece I originally published in April of this year and decided it was time to put it out. Why you ask….all of us talking part in the challenge are learning to fly.
Almost a year ago I wrote a post about one of the songs from the musical “Wicked” called Defying Gravity. I was trying to figure out who I was and where my life was going. Friends were coming and going from my life and I just wasn’t sure what was going on. So much self-doubt and lack of confidence, I honestly never thought I would get through that period in my life. Lots has changed in the almost year, friends have passed away, some have come and gone for that short time, others have just gone and I am not sure why but I guess that is one question that won’t get answered.
I made the decision to return to a project that I had been part of, to the objection of those around me. I KNEW in my heart it would be a mistake but I had to give it one last try. I needed that something, anything to fill a void in my life. I had made the tough decision to put school on hold to work out other life issues. Everything was fine for a while but then things changed and I started getting pulled down, I could see all the negative that was around me and it was actually starting to affect my mental and physical health. I just had to cut my loses or things would get really bad. So, I did just that. ran as fast as I could and slammed that door behind me. I have once again been ask to return and I STILL know that it would be a big mistake and I have never looked back.
I just couldn’t understand what I had done to deserve what had happened. I poured my heart and soul out, giving everything I had till exhaustion set in but once again it never seemed like enough. It created that doubt of “Am I really good enough?” I honestly think we all ask ourselves that one time or another. At times I feel like I am just missing the self belief that I really am good enough. It’s the case of looking through others eyes at myself to see that “Hey, I really am OK, pretty cool actually.”
Defying Gravity is taking that step outside your comfort zone and NOT letting anyone stop you. For a long time now, I have been so scared to take that step and fly. For some reason I have always been afraid of what people might think. I have always considered myself the so-called “Ugly Duck” Not really been comfortable in my skin. I turned 50 this year and I am bound and determined to make it the best year ever. I am starting to see that I have the confidence to make those steps outside the box and try new things. I put my studies on hold to raise my family and now that they are grown, all I want to do is write, be a published writer, to read everything I can and talk to other published writers about the process they went though. I never dreamed that when I started this blog how much my life would change for the better. I am now a published writer. I started blogging about my alma mater The Ohio State University. Just writing each week about my thoughts and things I saw about the football game and other things buckeye related. My Ohio State work now appears on two other web sites beside here in this blog. I have TWO other blogs that are doing well, one with my crafting and the other is spending a season with the Chicago White Sox. Dreams have come true, I am a PUBLISHED writer.
I am learning to defy gratify some but I also know I can do better. Fly farther, even if its solo. Keeping this and my other two blogs going I am doing just that.I don’t know how many people know about this as of yet but I hope that people will be able to find something that they can take away. the best gift I can give is to teach to those what I learn, keeping the memories of those alive who have gone ahead to the next life. Even learning something from those we never met in person but who have touched our lives in one way or another
The biggest thing we need to remember is that we can’t let those people who we are most afraid of to pull us down. Follow those dreams. As it says in the song “Defying Gratify”. ” I may be flying solo but at least I will be flying free, and to those people who ground me, take a message back from me”:
I AM DEFYING GRAVITY