The title is exactly how I feel right now.  I am trying to do all I can but I think I am stuck on auto pilot.

Let me fill you in on some issues, and Yes I am being Human here.  That is the one thing I am not afraid of. Feels like some people don’t want me to do that now. I feel like an outsider most of the time. Life is really lonely at times, and trying to put words to feelings does not always come together right.

How I react or what I do to mange things or what I say to some people is never good enough. It is not right or, it is the same crap on a different day, well guess what. This is my life, and it is all I have. I don’t have a real job, I write and design and create the best I can to sell my work. I may never be a famous writer or designer but I love what I do.

I feel so weighted down by frustration that I do not know how to get out from under it. I am trying to ignore how, those make me feel and how it drags me down at times but I just do not know how to let it all go. How do you try to fix something that haunts you like a ghost?

Cancer has reared its ugly head again in my family and this time its my youngest daughter with a rare form of brain cancer. She can live her whole life with this as long as it is managed. Some good news today that things are a little better, which is a positive that  I will take. I can’t go home now to be with her and help with my grand kids, I can only listen to her as she talks about stuff, her marriage and all, about treatment and other life stuff. Love you Sparky and we will do this together.

There is one thing I wish I could do, have a long chat with someone who has been supportive and has let me just write when I need to. He listens, no matter if it makes sense or not and how can I say “Thanks” to him for that.  He has given me great advice in the past and it just hit me, something that he said. It is more simple then I realize at times. Thanks, you have been a blessing and a huge support. One day I will get to meet you in person and tell you.

Here’s the question — How simple is it really to go back to the beginning and just Waffle up?

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