That was a question ask the other night in a show here in Australia called “800 Words”. The story line was how the Dad was moving on after his wife had passed away but the kids were not ready. They did not want a new Mom.
What I am wondering is this, When is it right to finally move on? Bear with me as, I work through this.
In our life time we will all experience the loss of family, friends, those close to us but how do you figure out when its OK to move on? It just seems like everyone has their own idea and speed for getting over loss. They want you to do it in “Their” time, not yours. How do we find our voice to speak up?
Losing parents is tough, they have taking care of you, given you, your life skills and all. With their passing they leave a real hole in your life. Both of my adopted parents are no longer walking this earth and I have no clue if my biological parents are still alive. Basically when people talk about their origins, what mix they are, I am an orphan of the world. I have holes in my life I wish I could fill but those questions will never have answers. I can share with friends and all when they lose a parent because I understand the loss and all.
When you lose a husband or wife, I can’t even to begin to understand anything about how much of a hole that leaves in someone’s life. All I can do is say that “I am sorry” for your loss. I don’t understand the pain you are feeling. I know when my Dad died I watched my Mom and how she dealt with the loss. I ask Mom how she was able to move on, she told me that she had a 9 months to grieve, in that time she had left with Dad she was able to ask a lot of questions about finances and other stuff. She had stayed with my brother and his family in the days after Dad’s passing but went back home after the funeral. My Brother, Tim, wanted her to come back with them to stay longer, but she said “I have to face it at some point so why not now.” I can see now that she was telling us she would do this in her time.
I cant even begin to understand the loss of a life partner (hubby or wife). What an empty space that would leave in your life. This person who has been around for years is no longer there when you wake up in the morning. How do you find the courage to step into the light and start to move on? How do you tell people who I have to do it when “I am ready” not when you are ready for me to be? When is the right time to past up those memories and start making new ones?
Most of you know from previous post that the Adelaide Football Club lost the head coach is tragic circumstances earlier this year. We had football to keep us busy and now that the season is over, fans are discovering that we are still at different places. We know its time to move on and look forward to 2016. There will be reminders about those special days and we will be sad but know that Coach would tell us to “Get on with the Job”. We are all moving at our speed but we will eventually get on the same page.
Love your friend and family who have suffered a loss, let them set the pace, and if it takes them a little longer to get to where they need to, love and support them. They have to do what is right for them, not for you. Be there if they need to talk, let them love you and be there for you as you set the pace for your recovery. Only you can set the pace and do not let anyone tell you any different.
So, Here’s the Question? . . . . . . How soon is too soon to find your light and move on after a loss?