Now, my sisters. We are all heading for the change of life, or hormonal hell. so far I have been lucky, hot flashes, lack of sleep and mood swings but it’s the mood swings that are driving me insane. It is those feelings of being totally useless and who needs me moods. The creeping in of lack of self-confidence and just what the bloody hell am I doing wrong. Throw into the mix a big shot of anxiety and you have my week. I have cried lots of tears and felt so useless most of the week.
I got snipped years ago, so having that done it is not the loss of not being able to have kids that I am feeling most. It’s the changes that are really getting me. I have never had great self-confidence and thought of myself as pretty or anything but it’s the inner stuff that I have come to learn to trust. I’m a writer and you develop the gut instinct that tells you when to walk away from a piece, that if you edit it too much more you will lose what you are trying to share with your readers. I work damn hard to just have my stuff noticed but I also am so sensitive and I put everyone before me. I am still learning how to take care of me first and understanding that it is OK to tell the rest of the world to get lost for a few hours.
This week I have had to sort out what really is hormones and what is really me. For those of you who don’t know, I am adopted so I really don’t have the medical history to know how my biological Mom got through this stage of life. (those questions will never get answered). My Doctor told me to try it and if it works great, if not keep trying. To be honest this week I wanted to give up. I have avoided some close friends this week, so they would not have to go through all of this. Have I done the right thing by staying away so they would not have to experience my melt down?
I have a hard time asking for help, just putting pride aside. I would rather suffer in silence then to put too many people through the ramblings of a mad woman going through the change.
Just remember, it’s not you. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, you’re an amazing person who has lots to offer the world.
Head to your happy place to find some peace and tell the world to get stuff for a while. You deserve it.
Today is a good day, I am looking for the positives and focusing on those. If I feel like I am heading for that melt down, it’s off to my happy place;
Watching Jake pitch.